


An interesting perspective

by what_a_dork_fish



Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Crack, Mild Smut, feel free to be annoyed with my tags, not my post obviously but I can't find it again, obviously I have no idea how Venom reproduces and I do not care to know I like my version better, so hideously cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 14:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16536743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_a_dork_fish/pseuds/what_a_dork_fish
Summary: Venom surprises Eddie a little more.





	An interesting perspective

**Author's Note:**

> Basically there was a post about "What if sex is ~scandalous!!!!~ on Venom's home planet" and I just could not stop fucking thinking about it.
> 
> Also this is really slapdash and sloppy so yeah

It’s really annoying when Venom interrupts his dreams.

**Eddie, what’s that?**

His eyes spring open, and he loses that really nice dream about the sexy brunette. He scowls at the ceiling. “What was what?” he grumbles angrily.

**What was that hallucination about? Your heartrate has gone up.**

He groans and drags the pillow over his head. “It’s a _dream_ , Venom. And that was a _good_ one, so fuck you for interrupting.”

 **What were you even doing?** Venom actually sounds bewildered. **I didn’t know humans could penetrate each other like that. What was it?**

“Having sex.”

**WHAT.**

Eddie yelps at how loud Venom’s voice is. It’s really weird how it can feel like Venom is talking audibly, when it’s all in his head. He tries to sit up, but Venom locks his limbs and won’t let him up.

 **HOW DARE YOU.** Why does Eddie get the feeling that Venom is scandalized? **IT’S NOT EVEN RAINING, YOU—YOU DEVIANT.**

“What does rain have to do with anything?” Eddie snaps, fear battling with amusement. “Never took you for a prude.”

**S-sex is—it is not something one speaks of so casually! It is only for one’s mates!**

“Well, here on Earth, it really depends who you’re talking to. You’re already in my head. It’s fine.”

**It is not fine! I do not wish to know!**

“Then stop interrupting my dreams!”

Venom lets go of him very suddenly, and retreats deep into his bones. Eddie winces, but gets up, muttering about prudish aliens who don’t know when to leave well enough alone, and goes to the bathroom. His buzz is completely killed, so his boner goes down quickly. This annoys him. He hasn’t had sex or even jacked off in a while, so that dream had been a pleasant surprise, and now he isn’t going to be able to finish it. Damn parasite.

**Not a parasite.**

“Shut up.”

A drink is in order. He fetches a bottle of water and gulps it down, feeling sulky. Venom is a very annoying roommate. But at least he’s _there_. That’s a point in his favor. He doesn’t shut up—but that keeps Eddie from falling too far into his previous depression. He’s got a voice to talk to.

“Sorry,” he mutters grudgingly. “I won’t mention it again.”

**Hmph.**

Eddie goes back to bed.

~

A few nights later, he has another good dream. When he wakes up, his sheets are sticky, but he doesn’t really mind. It had been completely uninterrupted and that is very nice.

He hums in the shower and is fairly cheerful while he eats breakfast. Then, just as he’s pulling on some jeans, he feels something slide down his backside.

“Hey!” he yells, straightening immediately. “Don’t do that!”

 **I just want to know why you are interested in touching backsides,** Venom grumbles.

“ _Ask_ next time! Nobody likes being touched without permission!”

**Is it texture? Because yours is too stringy.**

Eddie’s face turns very red. “I am _not_ stringy! And it’s not about texture. God, for something so horrified by sex—”

**STOP SAYING THAT WORD**

“—you certainly act like a pervert.”

**I am not a pervert! You just think about it a lot and I wanted to know!**

“So ask!”

**But it’s—it’s—disgusting.**

Eddie blinks. “Huh?”

**It is disgusting. Such actions are only done when it is necessary.**

“So… you don’t enjoy it?”

**Absolutely not.**

“Then what’s the fucking point?”

**The point is to create more soldiers and that is ALL.**

Something about Venom’s horror rings false, but Eddie does not care to continue the subject. He scowls and finishes dressing. “Don’t ever touch me like that again.”

**Fine.**

~

Two weeks pass and then the weather turns disgusting. Rain pours down as if it’s trying to drown the city. Eddie is grumpy all day.

Venom is restless. Then, just as Eddie is cooking some chicken for lunch, he says quite out of the blue, **Eddie, what do you do when you have dreams and you don’t want them?**

“What?”

**The dreams you call “good”. What do you do when you don’t want them?**

Eddie frowns at the sizzling chicken. “Uh. Well, they’re dreams, so there’s not much I can do about them. The human subconscious is a strange place, so I don’t know why they happen, but I know I personally tend to have a better morning after having them.”

**Can I touch you?**

Eddie’s head snaps up, though he can’t actually look at Venom. Alarm is singeing his nerves. “No. No, you cannot. Why the hell would you want to?”

**It’s raining.**

He glances out the window. The downpour is dreary and filthy. “You get horny when it rains?”

 **I am not horny,** Venom snaps uncomfortably. **This is similar to mate-weather on my home planet. It is believed by our scientists that—I shouldn’t be talking about this with you. We’re not mates.**

“You’re not on your home planet,” Eddie points out. “You don’t have to follow those rules.”

Silence. Then Venom says, **Our scientists believe it is a remnant from when we were plants. Many of our botanicals only spread seeds and pollen after it rains. We are unique in that the… urge… hits as soon as it starts raining, not afterwards. Biologists are still working on it.**

Eddie cocks his head thoughtfully, then remembers the chicken. He quickly removes it from the skillet before it burns. No matter how much Venom complains about cooked meat, he hates burned meat even more. Eddie has a theory it’s connected to the fact that most cooked meat requires fire, but he’s not sure. Venom has never confirmed nor denied.

“So how do you mate? Do you pollinate each other?”

**HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST SUCH FILTH**

“Hey, I’m just trying to understand!”

**We do not do that! We—we exchange!**

“Exchange?”

**Seeds and pollen. We exchange. And then if they take, we reproduce.**

“Huh.” Eddie pours soy sauce over his rice, and doesn’t say how that’s the exact same thing. “That’s… interesting.”

**It is far superior to human mating.**

“Maybe. But ours is more fun, and we don’t have to wait until the rain.” He cuts off a bit of chicken and pops it in his mouth, quite pleased with the flavor and texture. When he swallows, he asks, “So why do you want to touch me if your way is so superior?”

**Because you like it.**

Eddie pauses in the act of cutting up some more chicken. “Huh?”

**You like it. And it is raining.**

“Would that make us mates or whatever?”

**No. We would only be mates if we exchanged. And I don’t think human physiology can accept my exchange.**

Eddie stares down at his food. “…Let’s talk about this after we eat, okay?”

**Okay.**

~

Four hours later Eddie has no idea how they got to this point.

He’s biting his pillow so hard his jaw aches and Venom is exploring. One tendril is petting the back of Eddie’s neck, two others have wrapped around his thighs, a fourth is playing with his cock, and the last is… well. Eddie’s slept with men before, mostly in college, but this is much different.

 **You actually like this?** Venom asks, sounding surprised.

Eddie groans instead of trying to speak through the pillow. God, it’s been way too long.

 **So unsanitary,** Venom grumbles, but he continues his attentions. Eddie starts panting.

It takes about ten more minutes, but Eddie does eventually come, and it feels really, _really_ good. Venom makes a noise of surprise when he does. **Ah! Humans do exchange. Why didn’t you tell me?**

“Oh,” Eddie gasps, “I—I forgot.”

 **May I exchange too?** Venom asks, rather gravely.

“Yeah,” Eddie replies, confused but ready for whatever—

Venom enfolds him like he does when they go hunting, and after a moment of panic Eddie becomes aware of little feather-light touches all over his body, making him shiver. They don’t tickle, exactly, but he doesn’t know how else to describe it.

And then it’s over and Venom recedes. Eddie is still panting, coming down from his high, and eases down on his side, the better to catch his breath.

 **You don’t have the necessary receptors,** Venom tells him, surprised. **Is that why humans penetrate each other? To exchange more effectively?**

“Yeah, pretty much,” he mumbles, eyes closing. “God, you’re good at that.”

**I am?**

“Mm-hm.”

**Thank you, I suppose.**

Eddie chuckles at Venom’s confusion. “Well, how did you like it?” he prompts.

**I… liked that you liked it. I still think it’s unsanitary.**

“Most humans do.”

**Sensible.**

Eddie grins. “Prude.”

 **Deviant.** There is no accusation in Venom’s voice, only amusement.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments = Life, Love, and Happiness


End file.
